I was interested to see the subject line of one of my subscriber’s blogs yesterday which was “Advice to bloggers to do a porn post sort of” which you can take a read of here, in which Jess was basically advocating a system of sneak marketing, to use words or phrases in your blog title to attract many more readers than you might possible get with a title of “The art of tidy bed-making”.

Apparently if you stick the word “porn” in your title, more people pitch up to see what you’ve got. [and leave somewhat disappointed i imagine, unless they have an additional interest in accurate sheet folding or whatever it was you actually were up to]. i told Jess i thought i had already done that, being quite sure i’d done a riff on ‘Porn Again’ but when i searched my blog it didn’t come up, so maybe it was a just a talk i did or something like that.

stoppit. this is silly

But it got me thinking because I have always been amused [and eyes-wide-open shocked at times] at some of the results in the ‘Search Terms’ section of my blog stats which tells you what search terms people entered that led them to your page.

I get some really obvious ones, but also some really interesting ones, a lot that make me smile or laugh or roll me eyes in a metaphorical sense, and other which really cause me some concern for the people who are out there. [Take their computers away! Yes, you!]

Let me give you an example – four of the 7 search terms that are on my page today range from people who have met their expectations [if not their spelling] in ‘jesus healing words’ and ‘steve wiens paster adoption’ to the funny slash interesting for whoever thought ‘making of nude sculpture’ was happening a lot at Irresistible Fish to the more bizarre and R-rated ‘one which after much deliberation i decided not even to put here but let’s just say someone was highly disappointed at not finding the subject of this search on my page [it did have the words ‘village house’ which is where Val and i stayed at the Simple Way so that was clearly the link]. But just such a complete range.

I think titles, categories and tags can play a big part in how people discover you on the internet [which is important when you are trying to build up a blog readership] but sometimes life – and the Uncle Google search bar – can just be bizarre and some strange ones slip through the cracks.

In case you’re interested in how the majority of people discover or have discovered this blog via search engines, here are the top five search terms that have landed people on Irresistibly Fish in one way or another:


Brett fish wordpress

never once did we ever walk alone

john ellis tree63

mature people truths

brett fish anderson

[with ‘never once did we walk alone’  and ‘john ellis christian’ as the next two, which are pretty much repeats]

The top one is pretty obvious as is number 5.

I once posted the song lyrics of a Matt Redman song I really liked [Never once did we ever walk alone] and for some reason [i’m not sure why – i have posted other song lyrics and this is not one of the biggest songs in terms of popularity i don’t think] it ended up being the most hit page on my blog for a very long time and almost daily there is a search for it, or some mixed up word order version of it.

The john ellis link is interesting – a few years ago an article came out that seemed to indicate he had moved away from Christianity and so i got hold of him and met up with him in Durban and chatted to him and posted a blog about that.  Our friendship hit an unfortunate bump at a later event that we were both at, but for some reason on a weekly basis people seem to keep asking the same question and arriving at my blog. The suggestion i made then, which is still a good one now, is that if you care so much, get hold of him and ask him.

And Mature People Truths? I have absolutely no idea about that one. I do have a series called Taboo Topics where we look at issues that are rarely spoken about openly such as losing a child, infertility, parenting small children and singleness through people who bravely share their stories on the different areas which has been hugely popular and i guess in the eyes of Uncle Google might be translated as ‘Mature People Truths’ but i can’t remember ever using the phrase and so it’s an interesting one that is summoning people towards my page.

So those are the most popular search phrases people have used over the past few years of my blog being in existence to find me and as you read down the list there are various other versions of the matt redman and john ellis ones, which would increase that number even more.

Moving on to some of the funniest or most bizarre search terms i have found in that list [every week there are some which make me smile so if you have a blog, checking out that page can be a huge source of amusement] here are some which caught my eye as i quickly scanned the list:

snake bites boob [39] although snake bites silicon got another [8] and snake bites boob and dies another [7] plus other variations – although i did run an article i found on this very incident early on in my blog writing days cos it struck me as black humouredly  amusing so this one is no great mystery.

Turns out he exists. Who knew?

Turns out he exists. Who knew?

catflapman [32] although cat flap man got another [10] – a strange encounter with a guy at our apartment complex and we dubbed him Catflapman, but unsure why people are searching for him, unless there is another actual Catflapman. anyone?

fish masturbation [30] [Just plain disturbing – my nickname is Fish and we did cover Pornography/Masturbation as one of our Taboo Topics so i guess that would be the link but seeing that as a search phrase really weirds me out a little every time.

fish pictionary [11] and pictionary fish another [7] – less weird, more amusing and just people trying to improve their game-playing skills in one particular genre of the game perhaps?

Meanwhile other disappointed people might be the person looking for the ‘greek for tall’, the person researching ‘steri stumpie history’, someone in desperate need of some ‘fish cleaning ladies’ or an answer to the lingering question of ‘braai meat weird’ who should have perhaps chatted with the guy seeking a good ‘meataphor’ and whoever was wanting training methods for ‘poisoning fish by silicon’ [who must have been quite serious about it cos when i googled it to see, i was right at the bottom of page 2 of the search results]

So be careful what you wish for or something is the moral of this story. And apologies to anyone who came here looking for masturbation fish. But stick around and browse the page cos there is a lot of fun and serious and life-giving stuff here [mostly which doesn’t appear in this post as relationship-related posts seem to be the most popoular, but i think people find those through shares and Facebook/Twitter links.

And if you have a blog, i would LOVE to hear the kind of search terms people have entered that have led them to your blog, so go to your stats page and find the funnest/most bizarre/interesting one for today and the top two from the all-time list and please share them below. In what strange ways have people ended up at your blog? Unless you just have a weird and bizarre blog and then maybe keep that to yourself…

So what did people type into Uncle Google to find you?

[Oh and Psst! if you’re still here, the answer you were looking for is “ψηλός”… that is the Greek for ‘tall’.]