well, by now you know the drill… written a bunch of one liners and want to know which of them, if any, you really like so if any of these made you smile, laugh or need to change some item of clothing please leave a comment and let me know which ones:

“How did the first person figure out it’s not okay to look at the Medusa’s snake hair and still be able to warn other people?” [Brett Andy]

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to have had a javelin go straight through your kneecap from behind because you inadvertently crossed the athletics field without paying enough attention because you were busy wondering why the only distinguishing feature between pacman and ms pacman is a ribbon.” [Brett Andy]

“If I ever become president of this country, the first thing I’ll do is order an attack on France, so we can claim toast-naming rights.” [Brett Andy]

A jar of black cat peanut butter fell off the shelf at the local supermarket and slowly rolled across my path. I’ve been experiencing really small doses of bad luck ever since.” [Brett Andy]

“If there’s one thing the bubonic plague and kwashiorkor have taught us, it’s to come up with easier to spell names for our diseases.” [Brett Andy]

“As I watched the jelly wobbling about on my spoon, it made me want to laugh. Then it made me stop and contemplate life. Then I remembered I left my car lights on.” [Brett Andy]

“I hope that one day we can also name the less aggressive forms of driver emotion such as road ambivalence or road empathy.” [Brett Andy]

“I think the story of Hansel and Gretel teaches us that it’s okay to push old people into ovens, but only if they first tried to eat you.” [Brett Andy]

“I was asked to leave the spinning class at the gym because I kept knocking people off their bikes with my wildly flailing arms.” [Brett Andy]

“”As I slowly moved my piece across the board, I quietly but firmly declared, “I think that’s checkmate!” Since then, my gran has refused to do jigsaw puzzles with me any more.” [Brett Andy]

“All I’m saying, Superman, is a couple more seconds in that phone booth, just to make sure. Your enemies are bound to take you that much more seriously once you sort out that little underwear-on-the-outside problem you got going there.” [Brett Andy]