so last nite i was driving a buddy home from my theatresports show and he said something along the lines of “i’m going to sleep like a baby tonite” and i thort why? why would you want that?

i haven’t had a baby – besides the physiological impossibilities of that unless you happen to be an austrian governor of a U.S. state – and neither has my wife – and STOP ASKING US (future blog, indeed) – but i have heard enuff stories about babies to know this:

# they don’t sleep, well not a lot, at the start there are a lot of babies who do two hour stints and then wake up the parents by crying… for food, or changing food-filled coverings and so on

# they poo in their pants (and wee) while they are sleeping

# they sleep wearing a nappy and later on sucking a dummy

# they sleep in a cot which i could at best maybe kneel in if it didn’t break under my weight

so my question, mister logan, is which of these four were you meaning when you said you wanted to sleep like a baby and who came up with that ridiculous statement and don’t get me started on sleeping like a big piece of tree in the forest…