Throwing stones at Joel Osteen after checking it’s okay with Uncle Google.

i have called Google ‘Uncle Google’ for a long time now – i’m not sure why i do that cos it’s very silly but it’s become my thing [which is probly why i do that]. i guess one reason is that when someone asks me something i don’t know i will either tell them to ask Uncle Google or i say that i will and it feels like bringing another person into the conversation.

i read on Facebook this morning that well-known christian speaker and writer Joel Osteen has resigned and quit the faith. i’ve not been a huge fan of his writing as even his book titles suggest that he belongs to a group of christian writers/speakers who have a very strong focus on you – it’s all about you and becoming the best you you can be and being comfortable and happy and loving life, and so a brand of feel-good christianity that i’m not sure Jesus would be very comfortable with.

so when i read on Facebook that he had resigned and even quit his faith, my initial reaction was a bit of relief and “phew for Christianity” but then quite quickly i had another far more sobering thought… something along the lines of “Is that a Christ following reaction to have?”

as i read the article the announcement was linked to and how a church member said something along the lines of, “we gave him all our money and now he’s doing this to us. no ways, we’re not going to let him get away with that” i thought to myself, ‘wait a second, am i standing in line with all the other people ready to throw rocks at Joel?’

so question one that is asked of me is what is my attitude and posture when someone else falls [especially if it's someone i'm not a big fan of] – is that a reason to celebrate, to quietly feel relieved or happy that someone else is not in a good place? doesn’t sound very Jesusful

then for some reason, i decided to check in on Uncle Google and get his thoughts [yes, i get that he's not a real person and with all the knowledge he has i should be referring to him as she, right?]

and so i do the customary search i do every time i see the words when i come across the maths problem:

[thing i would really like to have - money, computer, latest phone] + [Facebook]

which is to type [thing i would like to have] and the word [hoax] into Uncle Google…

and sure enough, there are links to the Joel Osteen thing being a hoax [to be honest, not as many as there normally are with a blatant Facebook hoax so i am not even sure yet whether it is or isn't]

WHAT TO LEARN FROM THIS LITTLE LESSON:

#1 would be to always verify information received before acting on it – in the virtual world we have of hoaxes and misreporting and photoshop and so on, there is a lot of misleading information going around there.

#2 would be to question why am i sharing information – someone dies, someone falls from grace, celebrity scandal etc – why am i so quick to become part of the gossip chain of passing this on?

#3 would be to question if sharing the information is “me doing my bit” – this is definitely a different blog post but it is a valid question that came to me while i was giving us some stuff to think about – the whole thing with Kony2012, with articles on poverty and violence to women etc is that me feeling like i’ve done my bit so i don’t need to get involved or is that me trying to get some momentum for the action i am going to be doing?

#4 would be where do i stand when someone falls? [regardless of my feelings towards that person] – am i holding a rock and waiting for the signal, or am i on my knees praying for them and their family, crying out against injustice done, am i writing them a note of encouragement or offering to cook them a meal if they are someone i know? how would Jesus have me respond to crisis of any type?

these are important questions i need to ask myself. and i hope some of you will join me…

Manchester United beat Poverty by three goals to hunger.

So last night there was a game of football/soccer between Manchester United [soccer is one of my least supported sports but if i have ever supported a team it has been Manchester United... and then locally Kaizer Chiefs back in the day when Dr Khumalo played and i always back Bafana!] and Real Madrid in the Champion’s League. Real Madrid won 2-1 but of course there was “that red card incident” with Nani getting sent off…

i was out for the evening playing poker with some mates and so we missed the game, but it took me a minute on Facebook to find out what had happened – not that Real Madrid won or Manchester United lost but that there had been a “worst decision ever” and someone [or a really huge group of people from the sounds of it] “had been robbed” and so on…

i skimmed through one particular post with 30 plus comments in it and then wrote this Facebook status:

Imagine a world where people who cared that much about soccer/football cared that much about poor people…

i am still not quite sure why i did not cop more [or any, really] abuse for it – perhaps cos it was in the early hours of the morning when it was posted and most people missed it [maybe i should repost, hm?] because when i have posted questions about the absurd amounts of money soccer [or really most sports people] get paid, then people have come out blazing… i have never understood why so many of the people who have been so passionate about strongly disagreeing with me on my sports people salary opinion have been christians because i honestly cannot wrap my mind around how someone who reads and understands the Bible and following Jesus and the sheep and the goats story as one example can believe that it is okay for one person to receive $25 million while another person is allowed to die of malnutrition. i don’t think i’m judging anyone, i just cannot get my mind around that.

and not to say that people who are not christians should be okay with that, because i don’t think anyone should, but i do feel like Christ following people in particular [and yes, the distinction between christian and Christ following might be a first clue] should be outraged and upset at the completely ridiculous disparity between rich and poor [and yes, it is not confined to soccer - same with musicians, actors, politicians etc etc - soccer is just such an easy example]. to me it’s criminal. other people clearly think differently. i have just not ever had it adequately explained to me why.

the point with this particular quote though was not about people not being passionate about sport. the words “that much” are the key. i am simply expressing the desire to see people who are so passionate about sport [music, new year, latest Hollywood blockbuster movie] become that same amount of passionate about the poverty in our country, about treatment of women, about the insane levels of rape in our land [you would think something like "rape" merited more fervour than something like a sports match?]

and yes, it is a generalisation because there are definitely some people who are equally passionate about both, but i imagine if [just by browsing Facebook or Twitter after the game] every person who was above averagely passionate about the game last nite had the same amount of passion directed to even just one cause, person in need, situation… that our country would change overnight or within a month or year at least.

next year, there will be another Champion’s League trophy and quite probably a different team will win it. by then, this match will be forgotten. [Like Kony was within a week or two] Nobody will care any more. But they will care obsessively about the next match. And then the following year another Champion’s League will happen.

i find that sport and movies and books and music are amazing things to help me relax or get excited or spend time with mates or find a little escape in… and i think all of that is great. but get passionate, like i mean really passionate, foaming-at-the-mouth passionate about getting behind a cause, changing someone’s life, affecting the plight of the ‘least of these’, seeing someone rehabituated from prison, championing adoption or women’s rights, working towards reconciliation in the face of racism and so on… stuff to really put your life and energy and passion behind…

Imagine a world where people who cared that much about soccer/football cared that much about poor people…

when your computer starts speaking [horrifically] on your behalf…

so yesterday morning i come downstairs and i log into Facebook and am busy catching up on the nights mail when suddenly a word in another mail in my inbox catches my attention… it’s a mail from my wife, the beautiful Val [tbv] with some bank details regarding flight money and my comment below it says, ‘bitch, i want all the money’

[cue me confused] so i start trying to work out what word i was going for cos i have clearly mistyped when suddenly, in the inbox to my left a new mail rises to the top of the pile, addressed to my former UK housemate from the Simply Way with brett fish anderson [that's me] writing “Fuck you”

[confusement changing to panic as i realise i'm being hacked but all this live and while i am in my account] so i quickly scramble towards the password changing settings menu and as i do i get a notification and it is one of my old friends who i have not been in any contact with for a long time and he is saying ‘now why would i do that?’ so i click on it and on his status which was something along the lines of ‘Have a great week everyone’, brett fish anderson has commented ‘i hope you die.’

[password changed and hoping that is it - ticked the option to 'log me out of all devices i am currently logged into' - nice touch Zuckers - and waiting to see if the surreal movie-type experience has finished... my buddy Dunc, who i am staying with, walks downstairs so i share the story with him and he tells me to check my activity log - good job Zuckers - and so i do - just three other people fortunately - old church friend, old cape town friend and my boss' wife all with the eloquent 'F___ you' scrawled upon their page [by brett fish anderson of course] and so managed to delete them]

by this time i have an email from a friend from The Simple Way suggesting i might have been hacked and copying the mail from my boss’ wife to me which i have just deleted…

so crisis largely averted – i think one downfall of the hacker was being over the top in terms of using language no one would have suspected i would actually use in that way – but it was a little freaky as it started to happen in front of my eyes [maybe better that way rather than arriving to 200 sent out messages i guess] and felt a little bit like being trapped in a movie…

i have seen a lot of hack attempts and been the victim on occasion, but that was definitely the most malicious one i have personally encountered. feels a little bit violationary…

and is it boss’ wife or bosses wife?

It’s what you do do [hee hee]

i posted a Bonhoeffer quote the other day on the book of facings and the tier of twit that got an insanely hectic amount of likes on it, and despite it being a deliberately Christian statement, a fair amount of those likes were from people who would not label themselves as such:

‎’Being a Christian is less about cautiously avoiding sin than about courageously and actively doing God’s will.’ [Dietrich Bonhoeffer]

clearly what Bonhoeffer says is something i have said and written about a lot in recent years but i think he just completely nails it with the words he uses here – he’s not just saying ‘let’s be known less for what we are against than what we are for’ which is a chant i have taken up more vociferously in recent times…

he says “it is less about cautiously avoiding sin”

where ‘avoiding sin’ becomes the focus and so much care, energy and effort is put into making sure we don’t step over the line. what that means is we have to have a line and have it drawn firmly into the ground and be very much aware of who is on this side of it and who is on that side. and speak loudly and often judgementally into all those who are not on the right side of the line as we have deemed ‘the right side’ to be.

us versus them.

the biggest problem with this being, that more often than not, this is done with the absolute minimum of Love and Grace for those who are more the ‘them’ and less the ‘us’.

Bonhoeffer goes on to talk about ‘courageously doing God’s will’.

so not just trying to do more good than bad. but being intentional and courageous in our living out of God’s will. things like Godly confrontation [calling things in people and situations, in Love] and accountability, practices like unity, genuine hospitality and unconditional Love and Forgiveness. owning up to our crap. seeking life transformation [and not just fish-giving!] in those considered ‘the least of these’ and more.

actively following Jesus instead of passively calling myself a christian but looking not too different from all those around me.

‎’Being a Christian is less about cautiously avoiding sin than about courageously and actively doing God’s will.’ [Dietrich Bonhoeffer]

i wonder what the world would look like if the church started taking this more to heart?

sad brett and the malicious facebook status update.

brett is sad.

he has just read another facebook status of someone who has clearly had a dispute with a friend of theirs.

instead of going directly to that person, face to face, one on one and with much hope, love and positive anticipation seeking restoration of the friendship, and a righting of the wrong, that person has decided to air their frustration and anger publically for everyone to see.

another cringeworthy facebook status. brett reads it. brett is sad.

brett takes a sideways glance at the mirror and tries to think back on times he might have used his facebook status or twitter tweeting to take a dig at someone, for something they did to him, or perhaps even simply something he perceived was done ‘to him’ [this does not make him any happier]

but for now as an outside third party, who has absolutely no idea what the wrong that was committed was, except that someone now is a ‘bitch’ and the likelihood of that sparking a search for restored relationship feeling not altogether high, brett wrestles internally.

he wonders if there is any hope that if he addresses the issue that it will make any difference at all. what if he was to write a blog about it? surely everyone who read the blog would sit back and realise, ‘Wow, I have been that person. I have taken offence publically at someone instead of personally going to them and seeking relationship and restoration from them. Never again will I go to my Facebook or my Twitter status as the place where I vent at people who have done me wrong. From now on I will go directly to them. I will seek relationship with everything I have. I will look at myself and where I possibly have gotten it wrong and take ownership of that.’

but he’s not sure they will. brett suspects it will be the age old dilemma. the people who will read his blog and click ‘like’ and hit ‘share’ and comment favorably will be the ones who do not rush to Facebook statuses [stati?] and Twitter to air their hurts and disappointments at people. they will be the ones who, when offended, will firstly take a look inwards to see if they themselves are the cause of any of that offence; they will be the ones who approach their friends with love and the invitation to talk it out gently; they will be the very ones who didn’t need to read the blog in the first place.

the choir belts out another verse…

while the diva sits sulking in her dressing room.
outraged by the fact that the specifically requested brand of bottled water was not delivered.
that the green M & M’s outnumbered the brown ones two to one.
that the curtains are ‘that horribly garrish olive green’

so why does brett write that blog, if he knows he is preaching to the choir and that his words are drowned out by the world-is-against-me sobs of the barricaded-in-her-dressing-room songstress?

because brett is forever hopeful.
always holding on to the ‘what if’.
what if… someone were to somehow accidentally stumble across his scribbled out thoughts and see themselves reflected back and somehow hear the distinct melody of a different, better way of doing things?
what if… as a result of reading the this, someone went directly to go and erase the that and decided instead to drop a brief note into their friend’s inbox, an invitation to meet up and see if things can’t be worked out differently?

it is the ‘what if’ that compels brett to think it is worth having a go.
and so he does.

squishy fruit conspiracy

i hate raiSINs. no really. no, not like you do, i mean really hate them. yes, i hear that you feel like you hate them, but in comparison to me you pretty much like them. in fact they may be your favourite poison food.

you don’t believe me? well, let’s do a little test, because there are three kinds of people who say they hate raiSINs [and only one kind is a true 'believer']

[1] you ‘hate raiSINs’ but you like them in stuff? REALLY? What are you on? You’re a fake. Have met so many of you who will make the absolute statement of ‘I hate raiSINs’ but then follow it up with the caveat [a word i am using incorrectly, just because i like the sound of it, the rest of the sentence tells you exactly what i mean, carry on] of ‘but i can eat them in bobotie’ [or some other food] No. You don’t get to call yourself a raiSIN hater!

[2] you ‘hate raiSINs’ but you like them by themselves? WHATAREYOUON? Because really i think that’s even worse. I’m allergic to flour so I can’t eat bread but I can eat spoonfuls of it from the bag. It makes no crazy sense at all. But yes, you are out there. “Can’t eat raiSINs cooked in stuff but you like them by themselves, or let’s be honest, mixes with peanuts.” Woergh! Not true!

[3] Group 3 is those of us who really do hate raiSINs as in gag reflex the moment we bite into a ‘choc chip cookie’ and know instantly that we have been tricked. As in can’t eat them in things OR by themselves. As in we have noticed that the word raiSIN contains the word ‘SIN’- coincidence? i think not. More like a co-sin-cidence! [that's not a word] If you are a true raiSIN hater then welcome to the club.

You still are probably not as much of a raiSIN hater as me, but you are acceptable. I say ‘you’re probably not’ and stick to it unless you have three or more of the following:

# started the ‘I hate raiSINs group on Facebook [nope, that was me!]

# had a ritualistic raiSIN-burning ceremony in a park with two friends late at nite [it was for a friend's 18th birthday video]

# developed a theology of why the tree in the middle of the garden of eden was actually a vine and the warning to Adam was about fruit gone bad [grapes to raiSINs] with actual verses to back it up that i chose to stop telling the one time i saw a group listening to me a little too intently [like they were actually believing me]

# written a song about raiSINs, got it recorded by a friend of yours in the Brothers Streep band and got it on an mp3 playlist where voting [by friends] took it above songs by groups like Just Jinger, GoawayPolisiekar and Goldfish… so charted above some top SA bands on a meaningless friend-affected chart

# wrote a sequel follow up song called ‘Sultanas’ [the evil cousin of the raiSIN] as a parody to the song ‘Informer’ by Snow and recorded that [by same Brother Streep friend]

# wrote a third anti-raiSIN song to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody [Bohemian RaiSIN-Die!] which i never found a band to be able to perform the music of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody for [yet] and so it still waits…

so yes. i think i win. but it’s not about winning. it’s about hating raiSINs. and listening to this song called the ‘Squishy Fruit Conspiracy’ which for a very short period of time had me ranked above some very important bands. and Steve Hofmeyr.

If you send me one of these you will be much loved.

the one formula

so wot an amazing weekend then…

i started watching Formula 1 Grand Prix racing about 26 years ago when one of my Portuguese friends from Hillcrest Primary school in Johannesburg, South Africa invited me to watch this race – i remember it clearly because Nelson Piquet and his teammate led from start to finish and at the end of the race Piquet’s teammate was the only person he had not lapped and so from then on Nelson Piquet was ‘my guy’ and went on to win three world championships so a good pick, then…

26 years of F1 watching and the irony is i have ever only had two drivers – Piquet pretty much stopped racing as this guy called Schumacher started with a once off race for Jordan [which he got as the actual driver was imprisoned] and he qualified an amazing 7th [the team's best qualifying that year] but sadly retired on the first lap with clutch problems… but i saw something in him that i liked and so through all the ups and downs of his career [and there were many of both] i stuck with him, often vociferously defending against claims that he was arrogant or that he cheated] and it has been difficult to see him come out of retirement into what seems to be a real crummy car – he qualified an amazing 6th for Mercedes for this race and spent the race basically losing a position a lap so that was not so much fun to watch…

so when my brother in law invited me to watch this inaugural Austin Formula 1 Grand Prix live it was not quite a dream come true cos i never dreamed i would get to see a F1 Grand Prix live but it was a dream given to me. it sucked that he later was not able to come with me cos the tickets were sold out by the time he knew his work would allow him to come and so i got to experience the magic and the excitement of the weekend all by myself which ended up being a complete vibe.

stunning weekend. and if i had to name a highlight it would probably be seeing my friends [and in particular my wife, the beautiful Val] get excited for me – that really was the best part of this weekend – from my family who i am staying with, who went to a lot of expense to make it a smooth and amazing weekend, to friends on Twitter and Facebook and to Valerie repeatedly writing statuses [stati?] and sending messages and writing me heart shaped letters and just being generally excited… from Alice [my F1 fantasy league competitor ad often co-watcher for the last many years] to MJ and Rob and cuzzin Lance and Stef and John Zippy Benn [living vicariously through me] and Liam and others and especially again and again by my lovely wife it just encouraged me and added to my excitement and made the whole weekend extra special.

see, getting to attend a Formula 1 race live was an incredible experience and really worth a lot to me
but family. and community. and great friends scattered across the world… now that’s a real formula to an incredible life.
some would say priceless. i am one of those some.

thank you to everyone who cheered and messaged and looked out for me and posted and mailed and got super excited – you guys made this weekend super uber special.