the latest brett andy offerings to critique…

many of you already know the history, but for anyone who may not…

in the beginning there was Jack Handey and such winners as:

“It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.” [Jack Handey]

“Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and that’s why so is mankind.” [Jack Handey]

and so i set out to try my hand at handeyesque humour and brett andy’s were born… mostly not nearly as good, but every now and then i hit on something that works and you can see them all here if you have not… however, a year or so on and i am still trying to figure out how they work and could really use your help and so if you don’t mind taking a minute to read the next 15 and feeding back on any of them that made you smile, grin or even send some kind of liquid you were drinking straight through your nose… so leave a comment with maybe your top three or more if there were and thank you for your time… speaking of which…

“I HEARD ‘THYME HEALS ALL WOUNDS,’ BUT WHEN I RUBBED SOME OF IT INTO MY CUT LAST NIGHT IT JUST LEFT ME WITH THIS NASTY RASH.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“MR POTATO HEAD TOOK ONE LAST LOOK AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR, BUT NOTHING COULD CHANGE THE TRUTH STARING BACK AT HIM. HIS HEAD WAS ALSO HIS BUTT.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE BLIND LADY ENTERED THE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT, SHE PONDERED THE IRONY.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN THE WOODS AND I, I TOOK THE ONE LESS INFESTED BY HIDDEN ROBOT NINJA ZOMBIE ATTACK DOGS. AND THAT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS SPRING CONTINUED TO PROGRESS SOMEWHAT MEDIOCRELY, HUMPTY DUMPTY REMINISCED ABOUT THE GREAT FALL HE’D HAD JUST MONTHS AGO.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“I’VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THE GNU FAMILY CELEBRATES ON JANUARY FIRST?”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE CLOUDS STARTED TO GATHER, YOU COULD TELL BY THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES THAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE ONE SERIOUSLY INTENSE MEETING.”

[BRETT ANDY]

‘ “STOP THROWING THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER!”  HANK KNEW THAT HIS WIFE WAS RIGHT. THAT WAS THE THIRD BABY THEY’D LOST ALREADY THIS WEEK.’ 

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE UGLY DUCKLING CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS REFLECTION IN THE POND, HE SMILED QUIETLY TO HIMSELF. NEVER AGAIN WOULD HE BE CALLED THAT. AND HE WAS RIGHT. FROM THAT DAY FORWARD IT WAS ‘THE UGLY SWAN’ ALL THE WAY.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“HIS FRIENDS WATCHED AS BILLY’S LIFELESS BODY SLUMPED TO THE GROUND, EACH OF THE THOUSAND BLOOD DROPLETS EVIDENCE OF A CORRESPONDING CACTUS SPIKE. AND THUS TREE-HUGGING WAS PROPOSED.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“NICE GIRL,” THOUGHT PRINCE CHARMING TO HIMSELF, AS THEY DANCED CHEEK TO CHECK, “ALTHOUGH KINDA SMELLS LIKE PUMPKIN!”

[BRETT ANDY]

THE BLEEDING STOPPED. FROM THEN ON, IT WAS SIMPLY “RUDOLPH.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS I FINISHED JOINING THE DOTS AND STOOD BACK TO ADMIRE MY HANDIWORK, I WONDERED IF MY COUSIN LAURA, PRESENTLY RECOVERING FROM THE MEASLES, WOULD APPRECIATE IT AS MUCH AS I DID WHEN SHE WOKE UP.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS TIM UNWRAPPED HIS LAST CHRISTMAS GIFT, HE SUDDENLY THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, “PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THAT TO THE PEOPLE I BOUGHT THEM FOR.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“THEY SAY YOU SHOULD GRAB LIFE BY THE BALLS, WHICH IS TRUE, BUT ALSO NEVER CONFUSE LIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN.”

[BRETT ANDY]

grow up and become a child

on Christmas day, tbV and i went to visit a church called Epic that our friends Cody and Lyndsey go to and really had a great time – they meet in a cinema and we were greeted with good coffee and donuts, so pretty much everything i look for in a church [harr!] and then we found the one thing we had been missing in a bunch of churches we have visited since being in Philly which was a great message…

using clips from Elf [which we watched later that nite with some kids from the block cos we were so inspired, what a fun movie] and Charlie Brown Christmas [Linus the evangelist, who knew] Kent preached a simple yet powerful message on the need for us to learn from and be inspired by and emulate a lot of what kids, and specifically his kids, live.

from Psalm 118.24 “this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it” he spoke about the unbridled passion and abandon that kids often have about life and used the example of a child opening a present [the real way] by just ripping it apart and trying to get to the gift [whereas the adult is being all mature and old and worrying about saving the paper and the ribbon and so on]

then in the Message, Matthew 6.34 reads “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

the focus is on ‘what God is doing right now’ – often we have ideas of how and where God works and often He throws that on its head by working in different places and differently to how we might expect and part of our job is to take time to be still and observe and listen and watch to see where God is at work right now and where He is wanting us to get involved – it may not look like what we would expect, but by doing what we expect He would say, we may well be missing what He is actually calling us to – are we really being led by God. i would never have imagined that tbV and i would be living and working in the Simple Way, even after being so inspired by the book years ago, but we took time to wait on God and hear and none of us have a doubt now that this is where we are meant to be living and ministering…

lastly he mentioned the story in Acts 16. 22-26 which starts with Paul [and Silas] being stripped and beaten with rods and goes directly to him praying and singing hymns to God – how do we respond to adversity? one of the things children love to do is sing – with reckless abandon, any time any place. why don’t we sing any more?

and why do we sing songs to God in church? is it because He has forgotten how good He is? No! It is because we need to be reminded regularly how awesomely good our God is.

Grow up and become like a child. Your life [and living as opposed to existing] might depend on it.

putting the ‘C’ back in Christmas [part iii]

this year we got to be secret rooftop witnesses of this incredible act of Christmas mischief that Shane speaks about in this article and it was incredible hearing some of the stories from some of the people who had no idea where the money came from and yet for some of them it was a complete lifeline and life-changing moment for them:

So here is the start of the article shane wrote but click on the link to read the whole thing:

Critiquing the thick irony of the Christmas season is fair. It’s ludicrous that we celebrate the birth of the homeless baby Jesus by indulging in the biggest consumer spending of the year, scurrying around trying to find something to buy for people who have everything.

Nonetheless, there is something beautiful about giving, generosity and the contagious cheer that fills the world (not just the malls) during Christmas. We just need fresh imagination with how we celebrate amid the frenzy and clutter.

So we’ve started a new tradition here in the post-industrial concrete jungle of North Philadelphia … we call it the “Christmas Carol Conspiracy”.

You can read the rest of it here…

putting the ‘C’ back in Christmas [part ii]

and that ‘c’ stands for ‘creativity’ – so whether it is a way of celebrating family or looking after someone who is seen as a ‘the least of these’ let us be looking for ways to go beyond the typical commercial aspects of the season…

and send your ideas of stuff done or stuff plotting to be done to brettfish@hotmail.com:

Pete and Bev Brodrick:

Remembrance Lunch:

A second family gathering for a celebration lunch/dinner with the table set, decorations, communion elements and yes all the party ra-ra stuff.

We have communion together as a family, remembering Jesus birth, life and death. A set occasion for us to gather as a family and bring our lives back to the foot of the cross in worship and prayer. We then celebrate with a feast and treats! We have this Remembrance lunch every 3 months (March/April, June, September & December) so one just happens to co-incide at this time.

putting the ‘C’ back in Christmas [part i]

and that ‘c’ stands for ‘creativity’ – moving beyond spending a bunch of money you can’t afford on a bunch of stuff no-one needs [and often doesn't even want] because of some kind of misplaced notion that it is ‘showing love’ when there are people you know, or live near, or try to ignore, who are likely to be having a very miserable holiday time and your act of creativity in the form of generosity or genuine love could make a world of difference…

so be challenged and if you have a creative idea to share here please do, because so far i have two from my friends bev and pete and that’s it – share stories with me [brettfish@hotmail.com] of what you’ve done in the past or are plotting to do:

Bev and Pete Brodrick: “As briefly mentioned, our family has developed some alternate traditions for this time of year.

We love the fact that there is just so much more opportunity to give in December. The list is endless and everyone seems to be more generous over this time. Wahoo.

Our family has 2 major events. Both events we will try to invite people that we may not see as often and open up our table for those who may have no where to go.

End of Year family celebration:

A family gathering, lunch or dinner, with a theme, decorations, set table and party ra-ra stuff.

In preparation for this event we think back over the year and remember all those that we appreciate. We send cards and give gifts in thanks and in love. Whether that is a close friend or a grocery store staff member who has helped carry groceries to the car, more times than we can count.

On the day, our family will spend time affirming one another and reading out the things that we appreciate about each other and we give each other an appreciation gift. We then celebrate with a family feast and treats!

[to be continued...]

two roads scrabbled in the woods, and i scored 167…

just got the word ‘diverges’ over two triple words (e on a double letter, s was a blank) and scored 167 in online scrabble which is some 40 plus points more than my biggest word before… was a game my beautiful wife started with a 7 letter word so a nice comeback and i finished with 500 plus for i think the second time ever.

in other news just made some savoury muffins with which to make peace with slash encourage our complex landlady (as in she manages the complex, not she is… well, actually…) for Christmas… hoping we don’t get a Christmas clamp in return…

2.10am and probly about time for bed.

keeping the cross in cross-mas

it is fascinating to see what gets christians all passionate and excited (in a pitchfork and flaming torches mob kind of way) – i remember the whole furore around the Christmas to X-mas campaign with stickers and articles and sermons declaring ‘put the Christ back into X-mas’ [it is only mildly funny that those people would campaign so strongly about that and yet for the most part be completely sucked into the capitalistic greed-focus of the event enjoying lavish feasts and piles of un-needed gifts while people just down the road from them lived in a box and had maybe a crust of bread to 'enjoy' on the day]

i get it, i really do, and clearly a world that is not Jesus-following will do everything it can to suck the meaningful spiritual significance out of an event that holds no meaningful spiritual significance for them, but i would suggest it is not the Christ in Christmas that needs saving [cue angry mob] but rather the cross [angry mob mutter to themselves and slowly disperse]

because without easter, Christmas actually doesn’t mean a whole lot – a baby is born, God comes to live with us – cool and everything… but it only becomes meaningful when you watch how the story plays out in its completeness and you see the end (and the beginning) take place on the cross when Jesus is crucified – in my place for my sin taking on the punishment of death that should rightfully, legally, be mine [and of course, yours]

for God so loved the world…

and so it’s really important that we view Christmas through the lens of Easter – God could have made some other plan of redemption but He chose to come Himself – that is mindblowing and worth celebrating and sharing with the world

in a time of wide scale greed and what will be (if you include new years) drunkenness and debauchery and it’s-all-about-me’ness, it is important to realise that Jesus came with a message of love – not the hollywood feel good, have-own-needs-satisfied love – but a love that requires choice, as well as sacrifice and surrender, that uplifts others above yourself, that seeks to always hope and protect and persevere, that wipes the slate clean of previous wrongs, that looks to bring hope to the hopeless and need to the needy (oh wait, no, they already have that) um, i mean to meet the needs of the needy.

when you keep the cross in Christmas, then it truly becomes true and observable that love never fails. it makes mistakes, it gets it wrong (and horribly wrong sometimes), and it even hurts people unintentionally when doing so, but it never ever fails.

let your Christmas be about love.

a season for holy mischief (shane claiborne)

if you haven’t read ‘The Irresistible Revolution’ by shane claiborne yet, then you don’t have to, but i would highly recommend it, altho it may wreck you as a compromising comfortable christian and start turning you into a revolutionary Christ-follower – read what he has to say about the season…

‘Critiquing the thick irony of the Christmas season is fair. It’s ludicrous that we celebrate the birth of the homeless baby Jesus by indulging in the biggest consumer spending of the year, scurrying around trying to find something to buy for people who have everything.’

and read the rest over here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shane-claiborne/a-season-for-holy-mischie_b_790149.html?ref=fb&src=sp

advent conspiracy: watch this. change. celebrate Christmas.

thankx to my good buddy seabrook dave…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

simple but deadly.

in fact one possible opportunity for getting involved is on this site here giving gifts towards the poor in asia

how to thrash your Christmas in 2010

an excerpt from this week’s thort for the week that i send out with some ways you can really have a great Christmas…

The bottom line is you can get creative – i will share a few ideas here but it doesn’t take a brain scientist to work this out – look after the poor, needy, lonely, sick in some way this Christmas and share Christ’s love in action…

[1] Present-giving – as our main present-giving this year, tbV and myself will be buying something for the kids at the place of safety (uThando leNkosi) that we have been involved with over the last few years – we may still do something small for family and maybe some friends, but we want the bulk of our giving to go towards that place that is making a huge difference in the lives of children at risk. Pick a person or a family or an organisation that you know is in need and make a difference. It doesn’t have to be all the giving you do but at least let some of your giving this year be to someone needy or alone.

[2] Feasting – i learnt from my parents that Christmas can be a time of including others beyond yourselves and those close to you – every Christmas there are people who are going to be spending it alone – someone who has lost a wife or a husband this year, people in the local old age home, a single parent with her new child, someone you pass every day at the traffic light – and so why not add one person, or a few to whoever you were planning on having your Christmas eve, or Christmas lunch feast with. It might be a little more awkward or uncomfortable for you, but it could transform someone’s night and even life.

[3] Activity – for the last number of years we have had a tradition of making sandwiches on Christmas day or Boxing day and taking them out to homeless people in the area (the hardest part usually being finding any homeless people – when you look for them, they can be hard to find!) and so a bunch of people have donated or brought along bread and fillings and juices and so on and a bunch of people have volunteered their time to make the sandwiches and then drive around and distribute them – great group bonding activity for everyone involved but also an amazing way of keeping Christ-love in the centre of your Christmas celebrations – and it doesn’t have to be on Christmas day – pick a day in the holidays, grab some friends or family members, explain the deal and get going… another idea is taking some flowers and visiting some old people in the local seniors home or the hospital because both of those places have a lot of lonely people at Christmastime and short visit and simple gesture can make all the difference.

And so on. Get creative. And just do something. Don’t let this time be all about you and only those you love or are comfortable with. Ask God intentionally what kingdom stuff you can get up to and then involve others in it and spread the love.

And please let me hear the stories afterwards…