How to condemn evil while loving evil people?

i came across this article titled, ‘Loving Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’ [one of the suspected terrorists involved in the recent Boston Marathon bombing] shortly after it happened and it really made some strong points in terms of our role as Christ following people in the wake of such a horrific disaster.

the author, Adam Mabry, starts off by highlighting two opposing reactions which are equally unhelpful:

‘The first is the xenophobic, racial, and even religious hatred of my Muslim neighbors. The other is the willful ignorance of the religious connection to these terrorists acts—the blind assumption that all religions are created equal. Neither is good. Neither is truthful. And more importantly, neither is Christ-like.’

Adam then draws upon the ideas in Romans 12, without specifically quoting it, in terms of the need for us to be living with transformed minds or as he puts it, ‘Christians must have Christian minds.’

And then he continues to give four examples of the kind of minds Christians need to have [and i encourage you to follow the link at the end and read the original article in its wholenessity]:

[I] Christians Should Believe Christianity is Right

Certainly not a PC statement to begin with and one we seldom hear much of today, but I completely agree with him. If we are following Jesus it is because we believe Him to be who He said He was and about what He said He was about – it’s not simply because we feel like it’s a fun idea to pursue while everyone else pursues their own equally fun ideas.

‘To quote Tim Keller, “It is no narrower to claim that one religion is right than to claim that one way to think about all religions is right.” It just won’t work to say, “All religions, faiths, and belief systems are equally valid, and if you don’t agree you’re a bigot.” The idea falls in on itself because, in making a claim that exclusivity is wrong, you’re excluding the exclusivist. Darn that logic, ruining all our fun.’

[II] Christians Believe Loving our Neighbor is Right.

‘If Christians really believe Christianity is right, then we’ll be fiercely committed to Christ, who commanded us to love our neighbor. How did Jesus interact with those of different religions?’

[III] We should believe in sin.

‘We shouldn’t wring our hands and have to qualify our hatred of evil. Jesus didn’t. When we see evil in the world, call it evil. When we see evil in the church, call it evil. When we see evil in other religions, call it evil. If Christians, who are supposed to know Truth, cannot identify evil, we merely demonstrate that we are wrong, ignorant, or complicit with the evil we won’t name. This does the world no favors.’

[IV] We should believe in grace.

‘Part of the problem with the culture war was that it went about loudly labeling what was wrong but only quietly proclaiming what was right. If we believe Christianity is right then we will invite everyone everywhere (including our Muslim neighbors whom we love) to experience the grace extended to humanity by Jesus Christ.’

That is just the heart of the article but you can read the rest of it over here.

What I liked about it was that it held strongly to the heart and substance and essence of what following Jesus is meant to be about without sacrificing any of the Grace, Love and Forgiveness that we are meant to be about either. Too often today it feels like people feel trapped into picking one side at the expense of the other. Jesus never did that and we should not have to either.

There is a way to condemn the evil, while continuing to love evil people who are as in need of a Saviour as we once were [and probably still are].

the tragedy and not so tragedy of the Boston Marathon explosions

what happened yesterday with the bomb explosions after the Boston Marathon that up til now have claimed three lives and injured well over 100 people [with ten or more amputations that occurred with some of the survivors] was a tragedy.

any time someone is killed it is a tragic thing and more so because this was something that was ruthlessly planned and carried out.

and Facebook knew about it – scrolling down my news feed page there was mention after mention of it with people sending prayers and good wishes to the families of people involved or just stunned that it had happened.

a little bit later i saw online that there had been a huge 7.8 magnitude earthquake in Iran with 40 people killed [so far] and when i went back to Facebook i saw mention after mention of supper and the latest show and movie news and work stuff and i have yet to see any mention of the earthquake.

in fact when i went to find a link to an article on the earthquake i found this list of news items under the heading ‘World News’:

1. Boston explosions: three dead, no arrests, no claims of responsibility

2. Boston marathon blasts: hunt begins for perpetrators – live updates

3. Carlos Arredondo hailed as hero for Boston Marathon rescue efforts

4. Alaska military policeman jailed for selling secrets to ‘Russian spy’

5. Huge 7.8-magnitude earthquake hits near Iran-Pakistan border

So Boston, Boston, Boston, a guy who was jailed for selling secrets, oh and by the way there was this little earthquake that killed 40 plus people.

please hear me on this. i am not saying that what happened in Boston was not a tragedy, but what i am saying is that what happened in Iran is equally a tragedy. what is important when an event like this happens is to be shocked and to grieve and mourn with those who have lost friends and family and to stand alongside them and to also try and bring justice and stop something like that from ever happening again… but at the same time it is so important to keep some perspective – this is not the most tragic thing happening today…

for just a glimpse of the kind of context i am talking about, here are some facts and figures from The National Student Campaign Against Hunger and Homelessness, which i don’t see happening in peoples Facebook statuses [stati?] or Twitter feeds day after day… and this is stuff that Americaland with all its resources [even just a fraction of their military budget] could prevent:

Overview of World Hunger
For millions of people, the fight against hunger is a matter of life and death. 841 million people in the world do not have enough food to eat, including 153 million children under the age of 5 years. The Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations’ estimates that 6 million children die each year as a result of hunger and malnutrition. There is no other natural or manmade disaster that compares to the magnitude of devastation caused by world hunger.

Who is Hungry?
841 million people suffer from hunger, malnutrition and famine across the world; 550 million hungry people live in Asia and 170 million in sub-saharan Africa. In total, 95% of people experiencing hunger live in developing countries. However, hunger has recently grown in severity in countries like the United States and former Soviet Union countries, mainly as a result of poverty.

The World Bank estimates that by the end of 2010, 89 million more people will be living in extreme poverty– surviving off less than $1.25 per day.

The Extent of the Problem

40,000 children under age five die every day from hunger and preventable diseases. That’s 24 children a minute; equal to three 747′s crashing every hour, every day, all year.
The loss of human life from hunger is greater than if an atomic bomb were to be dropped on a densely populated area every three days.
One in every five people in the world is hungry.
More people have died from hunger in the past two years that were killed in World War I and World War II combined.
70% of childhood deaths are associated with malnutrition and preventable diseases.
70% of people in Asia live in extreme poverty.

Boston marathon bombing – tragedy – 3 killed, a hundred injured
Iran earthquake – 40 plus killed, hundreds injured
40 thousand children under 5 die every day from hunger and preventable diseases – we do nothing. we don’t even take time to grieve, mourn.

surely that would be a good place to start focusing our energy, concern?

Throwing stones at Joel Osteen after checking it’s okay with Uncle Google.

i have called Google ‘Uncle Google’ for a long time now – i’m not sure why i do that cos it’s very silly but it’s become my thing [which is probly why i do that]. i guess one reason is that when someone asks me something i don’t know i will either tell them to ask Uncle Google or i say that i will and it feels like bringing another person into the conversation.

i read on Facebook this morning that well-known christian speaker and writer Joel Osteen has resigned and quit the faith. i’ve not been a huge fan of his writing as even his book titles suggest that he belongs to a group of christian writers/speakers who have a very strong focus on you – it’s all about you and becoming the best you you can be and being comfortable and happy and loving life, and so a brand of feel-good christianity that i’m not sure Jesus would be very comfortable with.

so when i read on Facebook that he had resigned and even quit his faith, my initial reaction was a bit of relief and “phew for Christianity” but then quite quickly i had another far more sobering thought… something along the lines of “Is that a Christ following reaction to have?”

as i read the article the announcement was linked to and how a church member said something along the lines of, “we gave him all our money and now he’s doing this to us. no ways, we’re not going to let him get away with that” i thought to myself, ‘wait a second, am i standing in line with all the other people ready to throw rocks at Joel?’

so question one that is asked of me is what is my attitude and posture when someone else falls [especially if it's someone i'm not a big fan of] – is that a reason to celebrate, to quietly feel relieved or happy that someone else is not in a good place? doesn’t sound very Jesusful

then for some reason, i decided to check in on Uncle Google and get his thoughts [yes, i get that he's not a real person and with all the knowledge he has i should be referring to him as she, right?]

and so i do the customary search i do every time i see the words when i come across the maths problem:

[thing i would really like to have - money, computer, latest phone] + [Facebook]

which is to type [thing i would like to have] and the word [hoax] into Uncle Google…

and sure enough, there are links to the Joel Osteen thing being a hoax [to be honest, not as many as there normally are with a blatant Facebook hoax so i am not even sure yet whether it is or isn't]

WHAT TO LEARN FROM THIS LITTLE LESSON:

#1 would be to always verify information received before acting on it – in the virtual world we have of hoaxes and misreporting and photoshop and so on, there is a lot of misleading information going around there.

#2 would be to question why am i sharing information – someone dies, someone falls from grace, celebrity scandal etc – why am i so quick to become part of the gossip chain of passing this on?

#3 would be to question if sharing the information is “me doing my bit” – this is definitely a different blog post but it is a valid question that came to me while i was giving us some stuff to think about – the whole thing with Kony2012, with articles on poverty and violence to women etc is that me feeling like i’ve done my bit so i don’t need to get involved or is that me trying to get some momentum for the action i am going to be doing?

#4 would be where do i stand when someone falls? [regardless of my feelings towards that person] – am i holding a rock and waiting for the signal, or am i on my knees praying for them and their family, crying out against injustice done, am i writing them a note of encouragement or offering to cook them a meal if they are someone i know? how would Jesus have me respond to crisis of any type?

these are important questions i need to ask myself. and i hope some of you will join me…

on why rape [and violence to women in general] HAS to be taken seriously, part 2: Twitter

then, in case that was not enough, i got involved in my first ‘fight’ on the Twitter… [i know, too many people surprised it took me this long, it is possible i just forgot any others that occurred]

it revolved around the hash tag #SafetyTipsForLadies which someone that i followed tweeted and so i went to the link and read a bunch of them and was horrified by the way they seemed to be dealing with rape and violence to women in such a light-hearted and flippant manner… and so i commented on that…

which was not so well received:

Auragasmic ‏@Auragasmic: Rape Prevention Tips ARE A JOKE. “@BrettFishA: having read a bunch of the #safetytipsforladies tweets it feels like it’s a joke.”

Georgia Lewis ‏@georgialewis76:
@Auragasmic @BrettFishA Poor Brett has had an irony bypass…

i even got my own hashtag during it all:

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA Avoid being made uncomfortable by women discussing women’s issues by not clicking #’s you don’t like #safetytipsforbrettfisha

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
@BrettFishA No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying on the list of voices thar matter yours is near the bottom. Really near the bottom.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
.@BrettFishA Right. I’ve been sexually assaulted several times, but your opinion is more valuable because you are a man. I pity you.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
Ladies, make sure not to have an opinion around @BrettFishA. It might interfere with his Important Man Voice which is totally marginalized.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
@BrettFishA Your attempt to silence women and survivors of assault would be laughable if it was… wait, no, it’s just hilarious.

Liz ‏@childfreediva:
@Auragasmic @BrettFishA “Wear pantsuits at ALL times. Padlock undies.”

and some people did try to explain it all to me in a more friendly way:

James Thomas ‏@RightSaidJames:
@BrettFishA the hashtag is satirising the ineffective safety advice frequently given to women, no disrespect is intended.

Patric Nordbeck ‏@pnPsyPhi:
@BrettFishA @TheMotleyNews as long as its understood the joke isn’t rape per say, but rather the idiotic advice given.. by men.. to women..

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA I’m sorry about your wife, that should never happen! This thread is opening up a dialogue about how this happens too much.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA And how all too often, women get blamed for their “poor decisions.” I hope she’s okay.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA I can understand where she’s coming from. It’s just been in my experience, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA Sometimes the absurd has to be taken to task. By participating in this, women find their voices in all this ridiculousness.

Tania Jivraj ‏@TaniaJivraj:
@BrettFishA @TheMotleyNews comedy as resistance-highlights that rape prevention ‘techniques’ blame the victim and don’t target rapists.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA Maybe the people who actually experience those issues should make that decision?

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA No. Unfortunately your wife has experienced it. You have not. You will likely never know how that feels. You may sympathise…

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA … but you will never know what it is like to be sexually assaulted, the way that 90% or more of the women taking part have.

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA You’re missing the point. This hashtag is mocking the stupid tips women get to avoid getting attacked/harassed…

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA Instead of talking about this #, why don’t you talk you your fellow men about not attacking women, if you’re really an ally

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA But it feels great to let off steam after a whole life of everyone telling you it’s your responsibility to make sure…

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA …men don’t hurt you, that it’s your fault if they do. Oh, wait, you don’t know how that feels. So pls don’t tell us how to be.

and then Jaime sent me the link to the blog post explaining where the hash tag came from:

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA No one here is joking about rape. This is the post u should to explain how this started: #SafetyTipsForLadies, or Why Victim Blaming is Moronic which you can read if you click the link [warning: contains some language stronger than that which i traditionally employ in this blog]

i read the article and for the most agreed strongly with the sentiment expressed. but i still didn’t [and don't] understand how that makes the hashtag Safety Tips for Women tips okay… i really don’t get it [and am open to having it explained to me in a bit more depth than a tweet or two allows, but i think this might be an 'agree to disagree' area as there are some topics like rape and molestation and so on that i personally feel should NEVER be joked about. ever. as in never ever. and i know there are people who think otherwise]

but then i scrolled down and read a couple of the tweets that according to my tweet lessons from earlier are “Women letting off steam”, “mocking the stupid tips given to women to avoid getting raped” and “opening up a dialogue about how this all happens too much”:

Hilary Bowman-Smart @hilaryjfb [who started the hashtag and began this all]

If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies

Hilary Bowman-Smart @hilaryjfb

Do you have sensual long legs? Many rapists like sensual long legs. Consider chopping them off at the knees. #safetytipsforladies

Quirkythrope @jailawrites

If you’re raped, say “I’m a good girl!” Since “good girls” never get raped, the rapist will vanish in a puff of logic #safetytipsforladies

now clearly people are agreeing with this and giving consent to this [first tweet mentioned there got 917 RETWEETS 290 FAVORITES, third one got 292 RETWEETS 96 FAVORITES] but i am just not seeing it…

i really want to understand the point of view of those who think it is okay so please, if you strongly disagree with me here, take some time to write out a comment and share why you think it’s an acceptable response… i showed Val the article and some of the tweets and she agreed that she didn’t think it was okay. so it’s not just a man thing. i fully appreciate Jaime from Twitter who took some time to respond to me and who sent me the link, and also some of the others who gave helpful or insightful responses [even if i didn't necessarily share the same point of view, i don't think that matters but trying to learn from each other does]

the point of view i am approaching this with is that making light of rape in any way feels like it desensitises the word and make it less of the horrific, horrendous, evil thing that it should be kept in mind as…

so please chime in – if you take a look at those tweets do you think they are achieving anything good or just perpetuating what is already a horrific situation [or at least distracting from finding any real solutions to it?] do you think it is ever okay to joke about rape? would your response be different if you knew there was a rape victim in your direct audience? should it? would love to hear your thoughts on this. [or click here to read a conversation between me and Claudine that goes deeper into a lot of this]

on why rape [and violence to women in general] HAS to be taken seriously, part 1: attack on my wife

my wife was attacked in the street yesterday.

fortunately not physically and thank God there were two Latino guys in a car nearby that she was eventually able to get to come to her assistance but even then they didn’t really know what to do and the [can only assume he was completely drugged up] guy continued to threaten.

many, many thoughts on this and the closest to the foreground is complete and utter thankfulness that she is okay… or as okay as someone can be who is verbally and otherwise assaulted…

Val recently shared two blogs with thoughts on related issues:

the first being this very hectic one where she shares a reaction to some of the music and attitude and behaviour we were confronted with when we lived in Kensington, Philly last year: On being woman [explicit]

and the second one in which she shared some situation she has been in where she got involved and took some kind of action to prevent the possibility of an attack or situation ending badly: on being my sister’s keeper

the solution to this is not victim-blaming, nor giving women a list of ways they can dress or act and behave that can “help protect them from being raped” – we should not have to go there.

but i really don’t believe the solution is man-bashing either – all men are not evil, potential rapists waiting to happen – throwing blame at the general male population feels completely unhelpful as well.

and personally, i’m not convinced that joking about rape is EVER helpful [although i know a bunch of people disagree with me on this one - see the next post for verification of that] – for me anything that makes light of or lessens the impact of how absolutely hideous and horrendous and just plain evil rape is, counts against finding a solution to the problem.

this thing is so much huger than any of those three areas – we are talking absence of strong positive role models and negative influence of the media and prisons being punitive rather than redemptive and desensitisation of both the word and the act and a hundred other things…

but just because it looks so huge and daunting, does not give us the freedom to continue with our heads buried in the sand on this one. we need to create safe spaces for people to share their stories. we need to be able to talk about this thing without using blame language on either side and try to figure out together what we can put in place in the short term to at least reduce the risk of it while we look at bigger solutions. we need to be investing into the young men and women of the future and training them up in the way they should go…

as evidenced by my new friend Magda’s letter to her children [aged just 11 and almost 8] that she allowed me to share parts of on my blog over here, that both deals with speaking about sex and rape with her young children and teaching them how to grow up to be young men that make a positive difference.

let’s get serious about working together to put a stop to this. this should not be something we are ever okay about having as a part of our world.

[to continue to part II which involves a confusing hashtag on Twitter which got me into a bit of trouble with a bunch of people]

a letter, from Magda Pecsenye, to her sons about stopping rape.

‘Dear Boys,

Some really horrible things happened to someone who could be one of your friends, and it was done by some people who could be your friends. You’re 11 and almost-8 now, so the incident that made me write this letter isn’t something you’ve heard about, but this stuff keeps happening, unfortunately. So I need to talk to you about it…’

with that attention-grabbing opening paragraph, Magda Pecsenye, who is the writer for the blog askmoxie.org addresses a topic that is close to my heart, with one of the most profound parenting pieces i think i have ever read. my friend who sent me the link, gave it the tagline, ‘This is so great. I wanna be a parent like THIS.’

you really should simply go to her website and read the letter in full – i messaged her and asked if i could reproduce it and she gave me permission to pull quotes from it and scribe a piece, but really you are not going to be able to get the full effect unless you head on over to her site and just read the whole thing.

Magda is clearly someone who has been open and honest with her boys from a young age [which, even as a non parent, i think is completely the way to go - my official 'introduction to sex' was the 'what every boy should know about sex' book that was left on my bed by my parents when i turned 21 if i recall correctly]. But by encouraging open talk and discussing things such as boundaries and appropriate behaviour and acknowledging when someone is saying “No!” and being okay with presenting your own “No!” in circumstances you are not feeling comfortable with, it feels like she has laid an excellent foundation for the message that follows.

she moves effortlessly from her explanation of the sex talks that have happened as her little guys have started growing towards the age of being young men [they are 8 and 11 now] to a space of really describing beautifully where the place of sex is:

‘If you’re ever in a situation in which someone is asking you for it and you don’t want to have sex with that person, don’t do it. And if you’re ever in a situation in which you want to have sex but the other person doesn’t ask you for it, don’t do it. It’s only good if you both want it, and can tell each other you want it, and are sure you both want it. Otherwise someone’s going to get hurt. And romance is weird enough without hurting other people when you can stop yourself (and you can always stop yourself–that goes along with having opposable thumbs).’

she then closes off with some words of wisdom for her two young boys because “Not everyone you know has been taught all the stuff we’ve talked about.” and ends with some instruction of how they should behave if they are in a situation where someone is hurting a girl in some way and you can check out the full list on her blog here but i wanted to highlight the second of them:

2. If it’s not safe for you to say something, leave the room quietly and calmly and call me. I do not care if you’re someplace you’re not supposed to be, or not the place you told me you were, or in Canada or someplace that would normally get you in a lot of trouble. You get immunity if you’re calling for help. My phone is always on, and it does not matter what time of day or night it is. If I don’t pick up right away, call your dad, and the same immunity rules apply. Call one of us and give us the address of where you are and we will come help. Then hang up and call 911. Tell them the address and that there’s an assault going on. They might want you to stay on the line with them until the police get there.

the bit about immunity is priceless. this is a parent who loves her kids and is training them in the way they should go [i'm sure i heard that somewhere before] and she ends off this amazing epistle by reminding them of that ad of her belief that they are really going to ‘get’ this:

We’ve been practicing to step in and help someone else. You can do it. I have faith in you.

Love,

Mom

amazing, incredible, life-changing and who knows, person-saving?

but this has just been a taste – give yourself an extra few minutes and read the whole post here and see what else this lady has to say…

Manchester United beat Poverty by three goals to hunger.

So last night there was a game of football/soccer between Manchester United [soccer is one of my least supported sports but if i have ever supported a team it has been Manchester United... and then locally Kaizer Chiefs back in the day when Dr Khumalo played and i always back Bafana!] and Real Madrid in the Champion’s League. Real Madrid won 2-1 but of course there was “that red card incident” with Nani getting sent off…

i was out for the evening playing poker with some mates and so we missed the game, but it took me a minute on Facebook to find out what had happened – not that Real Madrid won or Manchester United lost but that there had been a “worst decision ever” and someone [or a really huge group of people from the sounds of it] “had been robbed” and so on…

i skimmed through one particular post with 30 plus comments in it and then wrote this Facebook status:

Imagine a world where people who cared that much about soccer/football cared that much about poor people…

i am still not quite sure why i did not cop more [or any, really] abuse for it – perhaps cos it was in the early hours of the morning when it was posted and most people missed it [maybe i should repost, hm?] because when i have posted questions about the absurd amounts of money soccer [or really most sports people] get paid, then people have come out blazing… i have never understood why so many of the people who have been so passionate about strongly disagreeing with me on my sports people salary opinion have been christians because i honestly cannot wrap my mind around how someone who reads and understands the Bible and following Jesus and the sheep and the goats story as one example can believe that it is okay for one person to receive $25 million while another person is allowed to die of malnutrition. i don’t think i’m judging anyone, i just cannot get my mind around that.

and not to say that people who are not christians should be okay with that, because i don’t think anyone should, but i do feel like Christ following people in particular [and yes, the distinction between christian and Christ following might be a first clue] should be outraged and upset at the completely ridiculous disparity between rich and poor [and yes, it is not confined to soccer - same with musicians, actors, politicians etc etc - soccer is just such an easy example]. to me it’s criminal. other people clearly think differently. i have just not ever had it adequately explained to me why.

the point with this particular quote though was not about people not being passionate about sport. the words “that much” are the key. i am simply expressing the desire to see people who are so passionate about sport [music, new year, latest Hollywood blockbuster movie] become that same amount of passionate about the poverty in our country, about treatment of women, about the insane levels of rape in our land [you would think something like "rape" merited more fervour than something like a sports match?]

and yes, it is a generalisation because there are definitely some people who are equally passionate about both, but i imagine if [just by browsing Facebook or Twitter after the game] every person who was above averagely passionate about the game last nite had the same amount of passion directed to even just one cause, person in need, situation… that our country would change overnight or within a month or year at least.

next year, there will be another Champion’s League trophy and quite probably a different team will win it. by then, this match will be forgotten. [Like Kony was within a week or two] Nobody will care any more. But they will care obsessively about the next match. And then the following year another Champion’s League will happen.

i find that sport and movies and books and music are amazing things to help me relax or get excited or spend time with mates or find a little escape in… and i think all of that is great. but get passionate, like i mean really passionate, foaming-at-the-mouth passionate about getting behind a cause, changing someone’s life, affecting the plight of the ‘least of these’, seeing someone rehabituated from prison, championing adoption or women’s rights, working towards reconciliation in the face of racism and so on… stuff to really put your life and energy and passion behind…

Imagine a world where people who cared that much about soccer/football cared that much about poor people…