a racism by any other name…

two days ago my bossman Darin told me about this story where a dad had picked up his young kid in the laundromat and stuffed him in a washing machine and closed the door [presumably as a joke or to teach him a lesson] but once the door locked the washing machine jumped into life and they couldn’t stop it or get him out until someone who worked at the place ran up and unplugged it and eventually managed to save the child. The child was apparently mostly fine [except maybe for the trauma suffered by your dad almost killing you in a washing machine]…

then yesterday i was at the gym, running on the treadmill in front of a wall of tvs and the incident came on two different channels which were showing news. sure enough the dad stuffed the kid into the machine and it suddenly starts and both parents frenetically try to stop the machine and the guy comes and stops it. it happened just as i had been told, except one thing really took me by surprise.

i decided to test out my theory on two people as we walked to the office yesterday and so i mentioned that i had seen the story on the tv and asked what colour the parents were. without hesitation they both answered “white” which is exactly what i had imagined. only thing is i had been wrong. what surprised me about the video was that it looked like a so-called african-american family [athough definitely a family of colour] and what surprised me was that in my head only a white family would be stupid enough to do something like that.

does that make me racist? it definitely would if it had gone the other way… but that made me think along with a lot of this Brett Murray ‘The Spear’ painting stuff that has been going on in South Africa and this amazing article which called a lot of it for what it was.

Four lines from that article carry the heart of where this whole racism-calling thing has gotten a little bit out of control:

I’m not shouting at you because you’re black, I’m shouting because you’re a maniac on the roads who is a danger to society.

I’m not complaining to your manager because you’re black. I’m complaining because you’re an incompetent moron who is incapable of doing her job properly.

I’m not firing you because you’re black. I’m firing you because you’re a thief.

I’m not confronting you because your black, I’m shouting at you because you’re a messy pig who expects other people to clean up your mess.

Each of those incidents [maniac on road, incompetent at job, thief, litterer] if they had occurred with someone of the same race calling out someone of the same race it would have been an incident of whatever is in brackets [parenthesis to the americanese] but because it was a white person calling a black person that [and i'm guessing vice versa] it suddenly becomes a race thing.

there is a lot more to say on this issue but hopefully this incident has at least got people thinking about it. are stereotypes racism or do they exist, much like cliches, because they are true a lot of the time? and while it is unfair to generalise with a stereotype or cliche and judge everyone as that thing, it is maybe not necessarily racist to be aware of or mention them.

i don’t think it was a big deal that i assumed the washing machine dad was white. i think it just was what it was. we could progress a lot further in this world, life, country if we started looking a lot more at what is as opposed to what could be suggested/read into/taken as…

your thoughts?

[late add: found out today that it was a babysitter and her boyfriend and not the kids parents who put the baby into the machine - story is here]

Dangerous Things You Can Most Promote.

so there are now 13 videos in the ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ series of humorousfilled warning videos highlighting average every day things that we might not have considered the potential lurking dangers thereof… the first one of these has received the most hits and is only 999333 hits away from going viral [if 'going viral' means a million hits] – once i achieve that then rebecca black and i can be facebook friends apparently…

but while that seems a long way off i would love to expand the audience of the shows a little and for that i need people to like and share the videos and i have divided this into two categories:

firstly, if you hate the videos and think they suck that is fine and you can read no further, thank you for your time – i would never want anyone to promote something they thought was not worth promoting and i try to do that myself…

second firstly is for those of you who love them or at least like them a bunch and i know there are at leas 15 of you but would guess closer to 100 – if you are able to post on your socialnetworking networks that this is a thing you really dig and people should check it out then some people probably will – just a share is great but if you give it a one line punt that works even better, even a simple ‘hey, check this out!’ and for that i will be muchly appreciative.

first secondly is for those who don’t particularly find them overly funny or amazing but you don’t hate them or think the world will be a worse off place for seeing them – i would completely appreciate a share with words to the effect of ‘this is something my buddy did and he finds them quite amusing’ or something like that because there is no personal buy-in but it still gets a punt

i suppose a third category would be if you are richard branson and you find them completely hilarious and would love to buy the rights to my character to advertise your range of products then call me. [altho maybe not on my virgin phone, the reception is terrible!]

this would be the link to the latest video which i think is one of the strongest and would be a good one to promote but otherwise you can go here for the whole series.

thank you for your time and energy on this – a simple click on share and a one line statement…

and if you really want to invest then commenting on the video or i guess hitting like on You Tube is also something that helps it get found…

love brett fish and No_bob but mostly brett fish cos No_bob is still not real…

Dangerous Blocks you can least expect…

so after struggling with writer’s or more correctly videographer’s block for the last little while in terms of creating silly videos that are good for my sanity in terms of the mindlessnessity of them, i finally decided to pull a headlock on the block itself and use that as my inspiration… this is what emerged… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lh4gIoAFd0&feature=share

Latest Danger

Two more Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos appeared this week:

the shortest one ever, based on procrastination and how sometimes when we are in the middle of doing something we…

and then the longest one by far on art which a lot of people have really seemed to enjoy, despite the lack of actual artworks being used in the making of this video.

and i am working on one for a varsity tut group which may well be the best one yet by far if it goes well according to plan so stay peeled… [in the eye way, not the skin way cos gross]

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect: The story continues…

once upon a time i developed a bad pseudo afrikaans accent and an idea for a show that would warn people about the inherent dangers lurking behind innocent-seeming things [like paper, ice-cream and screaming "Lego" when someone who is dangling you over a cliff asks what you will give them if they pull you up to safety] and a few people started really enjoying these videos and some people even started sharing them with their friends via the various social networks… there are now 9 of these official videos [and 2 or 3 non official ones that i recorded for english classes, youth groups or new friends because they had a special request - should start charging for these and making T-shirts!] and so in reverse order, here are the Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos from the latest one which was:

Episode 10 of DTYCLE speaks about the dangers of procrastination which lurk closeby, especially when you are meant to be doing somethi…

A slightly somewhat longer episode of DTYCLE looking at a few of the aspects related to ART as a Dangerous Thing You Can Least Expect

An episode of Sometimedly Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect covering things that sometimes can be safe and other times can be dangerful.

this two parter episode, which is one for the english classrooms i’m sure, on the Clitchy or as they say in France, the Cliche’

and ‘The Clitchy: part Deux’ or ‘Revenge of the Clitchy’ – first time we have attempted a part too.

episode six, another request, and this time on the unseen hazards linked to Wool

episode five, which has for some reason, known only to South African English teachers, actually been used as an educational tool in a number of schools [mostly in Pretoria] and specifically their English classes was on the topic of Punctuation

episode four saw the first request which was ironically ‘Requests’ seen as to be quite full of danger

episode three was all about sarcasm, or more correctly sar-chasm!

episode two warns about the dangers of Ice-cream

and finally, the one that started it all – episode one – Paper

this thing grows by people liking and commenting on You Tube and liking and sharing on Facebook and tweeting and retweeting on Twitter [and Flickering on Flicka? not sure i'm even sure what that one is] and so thank you to everyone who has done one or more of those or is about to right now…

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect: The story so far…

so by now you have probably been inundated with links to the ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ video series i have been working on in my free time and i thort it would be a good idea to link them all together in case there was a particular one you had missed or wanted to pass on… these are not likely to change the world or go viral any time soon, but as long as they keep making people smile, laugh and occasionally shoot liquidy substances through their nostrils, i will probably keep making them…

the one that started it all – episode one – Paper

episode two warns about the dangers of Ice-cream

episode three was all about sarcasm, or more correctly sar-chasm!

episode four saw the first request which was ironically ‘Requests’ seen as quite full of danger

episode five, which has been shown in at least three different schools [mostly in Pretoria] and specifically their English classes was on the topic of Punctuation

episode six, another request, and this time on the unseen hazards linked to Wool

and finally [so far] another two for the English classrooms perhaps, this episode on the Clitchy or as they say in France, the Cliche’

and ‘The Clitchy: part Deux’ or ‘Revenge of the Clitchy’ – first time we have attemped a part too.

An episode of Sometimedly Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect covering things that sometimes can be safe and other times can be dangerful.

have appreciated all the laughs and likes and especially all the shares, links and retweets as that is how this thing will grow – so thank you and hope you have enjoyed them – what will be next?… [dun dun dun]

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect part 6

so by now you may have watched one of my Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos or perhaps you have even watched all of them from the first one which was warning us about the dangers of paper to the one i recorded today on the many potential calamaties associated with wool – or if you have not caught any of them the whole collection can be found here… i appreciate all the facebook shares and twittery tweets as that is how more people get exposure so if they made you smile, laugh or chuckle in any decent way, please spread the love…

Latest Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect video [and some pics of giant squid]

If you have not yet seen the start of this series of now four videos of educational warnings about Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect then click here or here [but not here cos this will just lead you to pictures of giant squid] but if you have been introduced then please take a look at episode four where I respond to an international letter requesting the topic for the latest video which you can watch here or here.

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect…

AKA while the wife is away…

so on my trip to canada recently i had a bunch of hours on the plane to get a little creative and so part of that time was spent coming up with a bunch of new brett andy one liners which you can read here and which are slowly being added to my blog…

in addition to that i came up with this idea for a video series which i think, once i can nail the accent and the character and maybe find a better way of recording them, may be something people actually like to watch cos it is fun in my head at least…

is it fun out of my head? well that’s for you to say, so if you have not witnessed this new phenomenon yet, please check out episode one of ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ which you can do by clicking here or here but not here, cos that would be episode two you are clicking on… amateur!

if you do find it funny in any way i expect you will make use of the freedom of sharing, which as we all know, is caring.

the latest brett andy offerings to critique…

many of you already know the history, but for anyone who may not…

in the beginning there was Jack Handey and such winners as:

“It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.” [Jack Handey]

“Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and that’s why so is mankind.” [Jack Handey]

and so i set out to try my hand at handeyesque humour and brett andy’s were born… mostly not nearly as good, but every now and then i hit on something that works and you can see them all here if you have not… however, a year or so on and i am still trying to figure out how they work and could really use your help and so if you don’t mind taking a minute to read the next 15 and feeding back on any of them that made you smile, grin or even send some kind of liquid you were drinking straight through your nose… so leave a comment with maybe your top three or more if there were and thank you for your time… speaking of which…

“I HEARD ‘THYME HEALS ALL WOUNDS,’ BUT WHEN I RUBBED SOME OF IT INTO MY CUT LAST NIGHT IT JUST LEFT ME WITH THIS NASTY RASH.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“MR POTATO HEAD TOOK ONE LAST LOOK AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR, BUT NOTHING COULD CHANGE THE TRUTH STARING BACK AT HIM. HIS HEAD WAS ALSO HIS BUTT.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE BLIND LADY ENTERED THE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT, SHE PONDERED THE IRONY.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN THE WOODS AND I, I TOOK THE ONE LESS INFESTED BY HIDDEN ROBOT NINJA ZOMBIE ATTACK DOGS. AND THAT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS SPRING CONTINUED TO PROGRESS SOMEWHAT MEDIOCRELY, HUMPTY DUMPTY REMINISCED ABOUT THE GREAT FALL HE’D HAD JUST MONTHS AGO.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“I’VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THE GNU FAMILY CELEBRATES ON JANUARY FIRST?”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE CLOUDS STARTED TO GATHER, YOU COULD TELL BY THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES THAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE ONE SERIOUSLY INTENSE MEETING.”

[BRETT ANDY]

‘ “STOP THROWING THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER!”  HANK KNEW THAT HIS WIFE WAS RIGHT. THAT WAS THE THIRD BABY THEY’D LOST ALREADY THIS WEEK.’ 

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS THE UGLY DUCKLING CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS REFLECTION IN THE POND, HE SMILED QUIETLY TO HIMSELF. NEVER AGAIN WOULD HE BE CALLED THAT. AND HE WAS RIGHT. FROM THAT DAY FORWARD IT WAS ‘THE UGLY SWAN’ ALL THE WAY.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“HIS FRIENDS WATCHED AS BILLY’S LIFELESS BODY SLUMPED TO THE GROUND, EACH OF THE THOUSAND BLOOD DROPLETS EVIDENCE OF A CORRESPONDING CACTUS SPIKE. AND THUS TREE-HUGGING WAS PROPOSED.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“NICE GIRL,” THOUGHT PRINCE CHARMING TO HIMSELF, AS THEY DANCED CHEEK TO CHECK, “ALTHOUGH KINDA SMELLS LIKE PUMPKIN!”

[BRETT ANDY]

THE BLEEDING STOPPED. FROM THEN ON, IT WAS SIMPLY “RUDOLPH.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS I FINISHED JOINING THE DOTS AND STOOD BACK TO ADMIRE MY HANDIWORK, I WONDERED IF MY COUSIN LAURA, PRESENTLY RECOVERING FROM THE MEASLES, WOULD APPRECIATE IT AS MUCH AS I DID WHEN SHE WOKE UP.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“AS TIM UNWRAPPED HIS LAST CHRISTMAS GIFT, HE SUDDENLY THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, “PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THAT TO THE PEOPLE I BOUGHT THEM FOR.”

[BRETT ANDY]

“THEY SAY YOU SHOULD GRAB LIFE BY THE BALLS, WHICH IS TRUE, BUT ALSO NEVER CONFUSE LIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN.”

[BRETT ANDY]