One way[s] to Love your husband/wife better…

when you’re dating someone, you only see them at specific times and so generally you are able to always look good for them, for the most part you will be putting in extra effort and they will more than often see you at your best.

it is also generally a time where you are often carried along by the emotion and the ‘feelings’ and the fresh raw excitement of the idea that this person of the opposite gender seems to want to keep hanging out with you and keeps returning those goofy no-you-hang-up type of smiles you’re giving out…

then you get married and that person is around all the time and they get to see the good, the bad and the ugly of you in terms of looks and attitude and behaviour and suddenly there is work and effort and intentionality involved because marriage is hard work. well it is if you want to do it well. for most people anyways. for me and Val at least.

it is amazing! hear that for sure. don’t get lost in the ‘marriage is work’ and hear ‘marriage is no fun’ or anything like that – i will continue to shout from the rooftops [slash my bed] that “Marriage to the right person is the most incredible thing!” [for those wanting to be married at least - if you're single and loving that, then that is also the best]

and because it is incredible it is worth putting a monumental amount of work and effort into…

because it is amazing it is worth inviting the wisdom and advice of others who have walked and are walking this journey well…

because it is a good thing it is worth sharing your successes with others…

so watch this space as i share a few and invite some good friends to add their thoughts as well…

Dalene Reyburn shares with us about doing the next right thing

Robert Martin shares a touching story encompassing the theme of self sacrifice

Sheralyn Cloete encourages us to assume, but well

Brett Fish shares about the importance of being present

Rich Erasmus shares a short but incredibly profound exercise he felt so helpful in really listening to and hearing his wife…

Brett Fish talks about Loving your person in a way that they can best receive it

[if you've been married for a bit and think you have a 'one way' to share worth sharing, please email it to me at brettfish@hotmail.com and i will definitely consider sharing it - name, how long you've been married and your piece of experienced wisdom]

Part 3 of the Andersons next journey – the excitement of support

this is also my 800th blog post altho that is completely irrelevant but a nice round number nonetheless…

so if you are reading this, then by now you know that myself and tbV are heading to Oakland, California to work with Common Change, and you also probably have some idea of what our specific roles with CC look like, and so the last thing i want to comment on is the support aspect.

Val and i have different opinions on the raising support aspect of the work we are about to do altho neither of us are particular fans and if there was another way of doing this particular next part of our life journey, then we would have probably jumped at it. But there wasn’t and so it quickly became a reality that if we were going to do this it would require that and so we breathed deeply and went ahead with it.

How it is going to work is that Common Change is going to be covering our accommodation costs and so we had to take care of our flights [done, thankx to an uberly generous gift from a good friend] and our month to month expenses which we have estimated [food, transport etc] as roughly $1000 per month [or close to R9000]. So that is the monthly support we have been seeking from friends to cover the 18 months we will be working with Common Change starting in March. The one aspect of the support raising that we were both happy with is that it is for a set time – so we have asked people to get involved for 18 months and then it is done.

At the point of this going to [word] press [yes, i did that!] we are sitting at about 50% of what we need and the idea was that we would wait til we hit 60% before i book my flight and trust for the rest to come in after that. We did have a proviso that if the 60% doesn’t come in before the 20 March that Val would fly home and we’d start looking at a plan B as neither of us were particularly amped about being on different continents for too much longer.

So the money side of things is a practical need, but the support part that Val and i are both super excited about is the idea of people journeying with us on this mission. So we are building up a support base ranging from people who want to receive the monthly newsletter we will be putting out, to those who are committing to keep us in prayer for this time and then those who are committing financially to the journey. At the moment we have over 50 people who have stuck their hands up and said “We want to be part of this with you!” And that feels like a really good thing.

The idea behind Relational Tithe and Common change feels like a really great one and we have seen it work really well in a number of peoples lives and so the connectedness with people from back home in South Africa also means that there is opportunity for the idea to take root in different wants here and start affecting our country more directly. I have already had one person who has expressed interest in starting something like that or being part of a group here and we are excited about the potential of a group of people trying it out in the South African context [there is a Caribbean cluster that meets in Cuba and has been a very successful part of RT so we believe it can work!]

So there you have it – a deeper glimpse into the journey that Brett and Val are about to start [officially in two days time, Val from Oakland and me from here til i get there!] and if you would like to be a part of that journey in any of the three ways mentioned then please drop me an email at brettfish@hotmail.com and i can add you to the newsletter list.

Mark, my words: the two were sent out to find a man of peace

there is a great principle of ministry that you can see glimpses of in the life of Jesus:

Teacher does, pupils watch.

Teacher does, pupils are involved and do it with Him.

Pupils do and teacher watches.

Pupils do by themselves and report back to teacher.

Then later the pupils find their own pupils and the whole scenario begins again.

In this passage in Mark 6.6-13 we see Jesus sending the disciples out to try some kingdom stuff for themselves…

[to move on to the next story where John loses his head, click here]

a slice of Pi?

i am busy reading ‘the life of Pi’ having already watched the movie and there are definitely some interesting thoughts on religion in it – while i don’t necessarily agree with everything written so far, this piece i found absolutely profound:

‘And that wasn’t the end of it. There are always those who take it upon themselves to defend God, as if Ultimate Reality, as if the sustaining frame of existence, were something weak and helpless. These people walk by a widow deformed by leprosy begging for a few paise, walk by children dressed in rags living in the street, and they think, “Business as usual.” But if they perceive a slight against God, it is a different story. Their faces go red, their chests heave mightily, they sputter angry words. The degree of their indignation is astonishing. Their resolve is frightening.

these people fail to realise that it is on the inside that god must be defended, not on the outside. They should direct their anger at themselves. For evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out. The main battlefield for good is not the open grpund of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart. Meanwhile, the lot of widows and homeless children is very hard, and it is to their defence, not God’s, that the self-righteous should rush.’

[from chapter 25 of 'The Life of Pi' by Yann Martel]

The specifics of Brett and Val’s work in Oakland, CA…

so by now, anyone that is interested [and possibly some that aren't] knows that tbV and i will be heading to Oakland, California just across from San Francisco [come visit!] in the short next while to be working with Relational Tithe/Common Change and you also have an idea of what that is all about and how it works… but a lot of people have been asking about the specifics of what each of us will be doing and while some of that still needs to be ironed out as we get there and get going, i can share a basic outline of the work ahead:

Relational Tithe has been going for 6 to 8 years and is comprised of small groups or ‘clusters’ of 12 to 15 people and then a larger cluster of the 80 or so people who make up RT. Any need that is presented which is for less than $500 is presented to your small cluster and any need larger than that goes to the wisdom of the larger group. Since RT has been in existence a lot of people have expressed interest but as it grew out of relationships, it was a lot harder to find an onramp to become part of the program. So part of what both Val and i will be doing is helping create space and oversee the creation of ten to fifteen new groups over the 18 months we are working with CC.

Val will also be working on systems and policies and helping to bring clarity and ease of use to them so that the whole machine will work a lot more effectively and then she also has some work to do with project management such as a phone app that is being developed and some other projects.

My role will be kind of a discipleship vibe within the groups – helping people to use the system more effectively in terms of making asks and responding to other peoples asks and also finding ways for people and groups to connect more intentionally offline.

So, in effect we will be looking at taking something that has been working very well for a small group of people for a number of years and seeing how we can make it an effective tool for a wider group of people to equip people all across the world to connect their resources to people in need, through relationship.

[to find out how you can be an active part of this journey through receiving the newsletter or being involved in prayer or financial support, click here]

psalmthing to chew on: psalm 51

‘For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.’

i mean, that’s quite an intro already, right? and possibly carries a profoundly deep message in terms of really getting our minds around the fact that David, altho he had messed up horribly, still ends up at the feet of God, rather than simply trying to hide or run the other way… where do you end up when you are caught up in the depravity of sin?

‘You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart
You, God, will not despise.’ [vs 16-17]

and there we see that David really gets it – he starts at the point of his brokenness and failure but realises that it is not the outward motions that God is after – it is not about performing the right religious activities or rituals – God wants to know and see that he has truly changed – God is interested in the heart…

‘Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.’ [vs 1-2]

this is the start of the Psalm – David appeals to what He knows of God, who he knows God to be – He appeals to God’s ‘mercy’ and His ‘unfailing love’ as well as His ‘great compassion’.

Note that David is asking for mercy, not justice. Which is a thing most of us do much of the time i imagine. David knew that calling for justice for his actions would mean his life. But knowing the God he serves, he knows deep down that even though he doesn’t deserve it and possibly might not even feel like he has the right to even ask, that God is all of those things and will likely respond with much mercy and grace and undeserved forgiveness and new life.

and then he speaks those words that Keith Green turned into such a brilliant and haunting song:

‘Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. [vs 10-12]‘

this could be a daily prayer to start the day with… the search for a clean heart, the joy of really knowing God’s salvation and a spirit that is willing for whatever opportunity is placed in front of you…

Oscar madness…

in the space of a week we go from the craziness surrounding the public ‘investment’ into the news, gossip and views surrounding the Oscar Pistorius case [where everyone had an opinion, a judgement, a Barry Bateman courtroom tweet to retweet and an emotional or political response] to the 3am [in South Africa] screening of the Academy Awards Oscars ceremony which is a few minutes away from starting…

there seems to be a lot of similarity between the two in terms of the global appeal and interest despite for the most part having nothing to do with the actuality of events [both involving people we watched from a distance and were entertained by in various ways]

there is a lot of make-up and bells and whistles and smoke screens and both ‘shows’ have a sense of mystery to them – a question of what is real and what is being presented to the cameras…

there is also a great deal of difference between the two – the one is about a whole bunch of stuff that really doesn’t matter at all and the other is about something that matters so deeply in so many different ways.

i think a lot of life is being faced with the dilemma of trying to figure out the difference between those two things as they appear in front of you… what really really matters, and what doesn’t really matter at all…

and which of these will you give your attention, time and resources to?